It's a Small Fucking World

I signed on to Facebook the other night and looked through my newsfeed.

Pictures of crap I don't care about

Someone changed their profile picture

More pictures of crap

Boring status update

Andy is now friends with some girl named Mika

Another boring status update

Wait...

Mika?

Why does that name sound so familiar?

I click on her name and it brings me to her profile.

Ok, why does this girl LOOK so familar?

Wait a second...

I start looking through her pictures.

Is this...

Holy. Shit.

I grab my phone and call Andy.

"Dude, how do you know Mika?!"

Andy, unable to contain his laughter, barely manages to get his words out, "Better question! How do YOU know Mika, because I guarantee you whatever you're thinking is not as funny as what I'm going to tell you!"

"Mika is the first girl I took out on a date after I moved to San Diego."

Andy proceeds to laugh uncontrollably, something along the lines of

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA
HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

After calming down he regains his composure, "Ok, this just got better."

"Well?!"

"Mika and my sister have been friends for a while. Mika just moved in with my sister... who, as you know, lives with my parents. You dated a girl a year and a half ago, who now lives with my family."

"You have got to be kidding me."

"I just went out to eat with them this weekend. Oh, Mika, poor Mika... Rick, this would only happen to you."

"God damn it."

"So how did you two meet... or what became of you two then? Why'd you two stop talking?"

"Well a couple months after I moved out here I met her at Bub's in Pacific Beach. One of the first things I asked her was who her favorite super villain is, and she told me Megatron without hesitation so obviously I thought I might be in love.

"We went to Dave & Buster's the following weekend, I believe, and it was, well, not the greatest first date I've been on. The entire time we were there all we did was talk shit to each other and every conversation would just deteriorate into a contest to see who could be more sarcastic. I figured it might be that we were just playing a bunch of competitive games so I took her to get some ice cream in OB and to walk around a bit, but I still couldn't have a serious conversation with her without it turning into a sarcasm war. I took her home and as attracted as I was there was so little sexual tension built up that night that I didn't even attempt to kiss her. After that I wanted to at least give it a another shot to see if we could maintain a genuine conversation for longer than two minutes, but nothing worked out and we stopped talking a month or so later."

"Hmmm..." Andy pauses to collect his thoughts, "You know what this means, right?"

"What?"

"My sister and I are going to set you two up on a 'blind date' at Dave & Buster's."

"I hate you."

...to be continued

 

Alright, my loyal fans/peons/slaves/sluts, I need your help.

I absolutely get off on surprising people. To me, the look of surprise on a girl's face is my favorite, second only to her o-face (except with you, mom, that would be weird).

Andy and I have some thoughts on how to surprise the shit out of this girl, but I'd like some more ideas. There's a chance she might not even recognize me at all and I think that would be more hilarious actually, but whatever, just throw me some ideas and I'll send you a puppy or $1000 when I'm famous.

 

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Comments

[Aaron]

OMG. Take her to a comedy club and tell her that all that sarcasm paid off and now you are a stand up comic. Then proceed to get on stage, tell a shitty joke, and get kicked out of the establishment ;) I want the puppy.

[the Rick Tastic]

Bitch, I will hand deliver you a puppy!

[DAsymbiot]

dress as megatron .. and punish her for being a bad girl

[the Rick Tastic]

Hahahaha YES! love it!