Friday
We get to Hollywood, unload, and change.
9:47pm
We walk to our usual Friday night pregaming spot: Loaded. It's a small rocker bar, but there's always a decent crowd and there are constantly people coming and going so it's a good place to warm up (read: get warm-up drunk and make an idiot out of yourself with very few repercussions).
I order a couple shots and a beer as we wait for the rest of the group to show up.
As I'm looking around my sexy 6'2" lighthouse of a manself draws two girls over who start talking to me. Sadie is a hot, little red head (starting to become my Kryptonite) and Lauren is kind of a dorky brunette.
I start out going for Sadie which turns Lauren off and she eventually walks away. Unfortunately, my overt sexual innuendos start to become too much for Sadie and she ejects as well.
9:58pm
Not bad, 11 minutes in and I've already blown myself out twice.
I go catch up with a couple of the guys and as I'm walking back to the bar I spot my buddy, Danny, talking to Lauren... or to be more specific, Danny was leaning against the wall checking out the rest of the bar and Lauren was talking at him. She spots me walking toward the bar and gets Danny's attention.
"That guy's an aerospace engineer, I need to stay away from him."
And cue Danny...
With a "gentle" nudge Lauren shoots out from the wall and comes to a standstill in front of me as I'm dancing.
Uncomfortable in the situation, Lauren does the only thing she can think of: she starts dancing. But she's a white girl... and an engineer, so it's not really dancing as much as one of those awkward moves little kids do where it's kind of like hoola-hooping... but not.
"You're one of those guys I'm not supposed to be talking to."
"And why is that?"
"You're trouble, I can tell..."
My face gets closer to hers.
"What makes you say that?"
And cue make out.
A couple minutes (and a lot of groping) later she breaks the silence...
"You're probably really good in bed, aren't you?"
"I mean, I don't like to brag... but yeah, duh."
"I wish I could leave with you."
"How far away is your place?"
"About 20 minutes."
"Let's go."
"I can't... I don't want to just leave my friends."
"Oh whatever, we'll be back in an hour and you can spend the rest of the night celebrating your birthday with them."
"No, I... I mean I want to, so bad, believe me... but I can't just leave them."
"Alright, well I have to go catch up with my friends so I'll text you later and maybe we can do something tomorrow."
"Alright!"
I grab her number, leave the bar and not even twenty minutes later she starts texting me.
Her: I want to sex you so hard
Me: And I want to FUCK you so hard!
Her: Come back?
Her: We're at the same bar
Me: We're at bardot, you're gonna have to come to san diego sugar buns ;) I would love to ravage your body though so you better visit
Her: Haha. San diego is far. Come to pasadena?
Her: Where is bardot?
Me: Up vine from hollywood blvd
Her: Come find me
Me: I was never good at hide and seek
Her: I'm where we were
Me: That's far away!!!
Her: Don't be a pussy
Me: I am what I eat ;)
Her: Then get over here I want you so hard
Me: Where was this aggressiveness when I was there?!
Her: .........
Her: Where are you?
Her: I want to take you home
Me: Come to san diego, I'll let you take me home all you want ;)
Her: Come to pasadena tonight. I will fuck you
That last text comes at arond 2am, right before she tries to call me.
Unfortunately for Lauren I'm on my way to Natalia's so instead of answering her call she gets the honor of listening to my voicemail greeting.
I get to Natalia's and she answers the door in her sexy little pajamas. For the next two hours we go at it like the last two people on earth trying to repopulate the planet.
Saturday
Natalia kicks me out in the morning so I head back to Alex and Johnny's. Since she's going to be working most of the night it's probably a good idea to get something lined up with Lauren in case nothing pans out at Happy Ending (our Saturday night spot), so I respond to her last text message from the night before.
Me: Come to happy ending tonight. I will fuck you
Her: Haha sorry I got a little crude last night
Her: I have not drank a lot recently and my tolerance had definitely gone down which is probably a good thing but also the reason I was so drunk
Me: Apology accepted pending your appearance tonight
Her: Lol I don't know if I feel like a repeat of last night. My liver will get mad.
Me: Well then let's skip the drinking and resume where we left off last night
Her: I'm tempted
Me: I don't have a car while I'm up here, come pick me up tonight, I should be able to leave by 2
Her: I don't know what the plans are for tonight yet
Me: Sounds like a yes to me!
Her: Mmmmmmm maybe
Right, well fuck maybe.
It's 5pm and I'm tired. If we're going out tonight I need some rest. Natalia told me she'd be home in the evening so I shoot her a text.
Me: Are you home?
Her: Yes
Me: Wanna take a nap? ;)
Her: Yes!! Pls! :-)
Something tells me this is going to be a horrible attempt at napping.
I get to her place and we lay down on the bed to watch Ocean's Eleven.
Cue another 2 hour long bang-out session.
Great, still no sleep, a lot of sex, and now more drinking.
I am fucking exhausted.
I walk back to Alex and Johnny's and we head to Happy Ending.
Fast forward through a whole lot of me doing nothing.
We leave around 2 and with no response back from Lauren it's a good time for a follow-up call.
She picks up
"Hello?"
"Hey, what are you up to?"
"Actually I've been asleep for several hours..."
"PERFECT! So you're well rested then?"
"I guess, what are you doing?"
"Leaving the bar, about to come over."
"How are you gonna get here?"
"Don't worry about it, shoot me a text with your address."
"Ok, but I'm really tired so don't expect much."
"I always have low expectations! That way I'm never disappointed!"
"Hahaha ok, I'll send you my address."
"See you in a bit."
"Bye"
I grab a taxi and she texts me the entire ride over... something tells me she's not used to booty calls... such as her very first message.
Her: I can't believe I just invited a stranger over at 2am
Me: Omg you invited someone to join us?! ;) now I'm excited!
Her: Haha
Her: My eye is swollen wtf
Me: You should probably file for divorce, sounds like an unhealthy marriage
Her: Crap who told you I was married?
Me: The huge diamond ring on your ring finger whispered it to me... I didn't believe it at first, but it was very persistent
Her: Damn would that be nice. Then I could pawn it and buy some furniture
Me: Or a pet giraffe
Her: I have never been to the san diego zoo! I really want to go. Also I was away the other week when my friends went to the la zoo.
Her: I'm sad I missed that
Me: That double sucks, cause they just had a sale on pet giraffes AND elephants...
Her: I really want a zebra
Me: I think that sale is next weekend
Her: Oh nice. I better pawn that ring then
Me: Well there are a ton of 24/7 pawn ships... jus sayin
Her: Nothing good ever happens after 2am. I shouldn't have invited you over. You might murder me with your rhinestones
Me: Talk about a funny episode of CSI!
Her: I knew it.
Her: Crap well at least I enjoyed my life.
Her: Didn't get to use my skydiving ticket yet though
30 minutes and one 70-fucking-dollar cab ride later I get to her place and my P ends up in her V.
Luckily for my wallet she agrees to drive me back in the morning.
Fucking taxis.
Author's Note: Now, you might be thinking, "Rick! Why the title?! There's no clinger in this story!"
Au contraire, mon frère! Yes, based on the contents of this story you would think there is no clinging going on at all, I mean, it's just a one night stand, right? Well, apparently to Lauren, it wasn't JUST a one night stand...
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