the Rick Tastic adventures

Booty Call Basics

First, I'd like to thank the women in my life that have tried, at one point or another, to upgrade themselves from booty calls to something more.

Your efforts did not go unnoticed, just ignored.

Second, I'd like to clarify these rules do not apply to friends with benefits.  To me, a FWB situation implies I actually enjoy spending time with you, hence the "friends" part of the title.

And finally, I'd like to specifically thank the last girl who tried to stretch a one night stand into, well, something longer and far more awkward because if it wasn't for your ridiculously aggressive pursuit I may never have been inspired to write this... nor would I have experienced pity sex for the first time or, as I like to call it, my personal low of 2011.

It's a Small Fucking World

I signed on to Facebook the other night and looked through my newsfeed.

Pictures of crap I don't care about

Someone changed their profile picture

More pictures of crap

Boring status update

Andy is now friends with some girl named Mika

Another boring status update

Wait...

Mika?

Why does that name sound so familiar?

Trial 1 - 30 Days

I’ve started my first experiment of 2011. For those that don’t know; the “experiment” is abstaining from drugs, alcohol, and any-and-all sexual contact for 30 days.

The typical responses include:

• that’s stupid
• that’s retarded
• why would you do that? that's stupid/retarded

Luckily I actually have an explanation.

"Baller! I love explanations for things I don’t understand!"

"I know, me too. We have so much in common… wanna do it?"

"But what about your 30 days of…"

"Shut up and take your clothes off!"

"Fine..."

What She Means...

But more importantly, what I mean...

This post is based on an “e-article,” found here, brought to my attention by a friend of mine. The article describes the differences between what a woman says and what she "means" or is implying. Don’t worry, ladies, I love this game as well. 

(I know it’s not an “adventure” so to speak but this is my website and I can do whatever the fuck I want) 

Vegas. Round 2. Friday - Ramona

Vegas won. No reason to even try and count the points, but I’ll make them up anyway.

We get to Bally's around 10 and resume, I mean, start consuming alcoholic beverages... because I was driving and drinking and driving is bad. Before we leave for the Palms I have Andy write, in large block numbers, his phone number on my chest just in case I break/lose my phone and/or end up in a ditch after sleeping with the wrong dude's wife. At first he writes ANDY at the very top, at which I have to contemplate: do I keep a dude's name written blatantly in the middle of my bare chest or do I potentially cock block myself when my clothes come off at the end of the night by having him write some random girl's name instead?

Good call, JENNIFER it is!

Happy Birthday 'Murica!

The 4th of July is quickly approaching and I need a costume.

Luckily, right down the street is America's Center for Career Services for Immigrant Workers, or ACCSIW /āk-soo/ for short.

Most know it as Home Depot, though.

I picked up the following:

You bet your ass I got a God damn bald eagle! Not only did I get a bald eagle, but I shrunk it, stuck it on my spear, dipped it into aluminum and painted it gold.

FUCK.

YES.

Sara: Part 2 - Dinner And A Movie (Without The Movie)

Sara texts me.

Her: It's Friday...

Me: And it's 2:05pm

Her: Doin anything fun tonight?

Me: My middle name is fun, so absolutely! What are you doing right now?

Her: Painting my nails. Then going to the movies. Then...

Me: Then you're coming over to make me dinner! That's a perfect plan, how'd you come up with that so fast?

Sara: Part 1 - "I Don't Sleep With Guys I've Just Met"

We get to Typhoon Saloon.

It's a normal night.

Note: Normal in this case refers to us being drunk and dressed like idiots.

Most of the night goes by without any real entertainment... well, besides my friends putting on strip shows in random parts of the bar, but I already said it's a normal night.

At some point I stumble upon Andy talking to a group of girls and I notice one of them isn't really involved in the conversation. I go up to her and introduce myself. Her name is Sara.