First, I'd like to thank the women in my life that have tried, at one point or another, to upgrade themselves from booty calls to something more.
Your efforts did not go unnoticed, just ignored.
Second, I'd like to clarify these rules do not apply to friends with benefits. To me, a FWB situation implies I actually enjoy spending time with you, hence the "friends" part of the title.
And finally, I'd like to specifically thank the last girl who tried to stretch a one night stand into, well, something longer and far more awkward because if it wasn't for your ridiculously aggressive pursuit I may never have been inspired to write this... nor would I have experienced pity sex for the first time or, as I like to call it, my personal low of 2011.

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